A Cautionary Tale (with excuses for the bad rhymes)

The following is a warning
To all of you out there
I’ll tell of my experience
It’s why you should take care.

I used to have a life
Quite normal in every way
But that’s before I decided
To have them test my DNA.

It’s something I’d long thought about
I really had to know
Where it was I’d come from
On this route I had to go.

£99 plus postage
Seemed a large amount to pay
But I saved up all my pennies
Then came that fateful day.

I paid online, the kit arrived
I returned it right away
I couldn’t wait for the results
I wondered what they’d say.

After waiting several weeks
The results online appeared
32% Irish
That really did seem weird.

I’ve done research for 30 years
I’ve travelled far and near
Searching for my ancestors
But not one Irishman I fear.

The fact that I’m quite pleased about
Is my new found Viking side
1% Scandinavian
I’m feeling full of pride.

But it’s not just my ethnicity
That I can check on screen
Over 2000 living relatives
To connect with if I’m keen.

These names appear in order
“Extremely likely connection” at the top
Most of them show their families
I’m hooked and cannot stop .

“This one is probably your 3rd cousin
You would share a great, great granny.”
I’m spending hours looking at family trees
Look at that photo! The resemblance, uncanny.

Hours looking at trees online
The connection not always clear
But the DNA doesn’t lie
Keep at it, that elusive link is near.

I’ve poured over the first few trees
With connections found worldwide
I’ll soon start on the next one
Now is this on the maternal side?

I’ve contacted the first names on the list
By e-mail, then by phone
They seem like lovely people
3rd cousins once unknown.

They’ve sent me lots of info
Things I never would have known
Photographs and stories
Oh! How my tree has grown.

I’m sat here at my laptop
My previous life long gone
I used to live life to the full
But that connection – ah! There’s one!

Those 2000 names have just increased
I now have 100 more
As other relatives take the test
Those numbers will just soar.

I cannot take this any more
I’m spending hours just looking
Searching for new relatives
I have no time for cooking.

I don’t have time for anything
As from tree to tree I lurch
My friends don’t want to know me
As I tell of my research.

This hobby can become your life
Just use some common sense
If you find all those new relatives
Christmas can become a great expense.

Phil D (Ebbw Vale branch)